Allow me some Catharsis... of the Kindergarten Sort

I wore makeup today for two reasons. One, I would be seeing lots of new people this morning and wanted them to know that I can look decent. The chance of them seeing that again in the next 9 months is slim. Two, I figured if I had makeup on, I'd be less likely to break down in tears and ruin it.

Today, I walked my Firstborn into Kindergarten.

Pardon me while my emotions landslide. The initial plan was to head straight to the grocery store after drop off. But I realized I should probably have some catharsis first. Can't be breaking down in Aisle 7. So here I am writing.... through tears.

I (unwisely) watched an episode of Parenthood while running on the treadmill this morning. So you know the feels were running strong. And of course, they referenced the parental need to protect your child from everything. My eyes started leaking right then and there. I'm a sentimental person (surprise!). So all this time I thought I was only getting emotional because my oldest is now old enough for school. Time flying and all that sap. But it dawned on me this morning that I'm also scared because so many hours of Cutler's days are now out of my control. I cannot kiss the all boo-boos, or calm his frustrations or keep him from the mean word or nerve-inducing activity. Let's just pierce my heart a million times.

Last night, after he fell asleep, I prayed over him. I figured, for sure, that he would be nervous and scared the next morning when he woke up. So I told God, I would take his nerves and tears from him if I could. And the Lord answered my prayer quite literally. I was a ball of nerves this morning. And this screen is a little blurry from tears. But Cutler? He bounced out of bed. Smiled big for all my pictures. And bravely waved goodbye without a tear or nerve that I could see. But I know that God won't always allow me to take the hard stuff. So... I'll just resign myself to praying my little heart out.

But also, I'm over the moon for him. He will meet his best friends here. He will learn to read and do math. He'll have music and P.E. and all the quintessential childhood memories. And I get a front row seat for it.

Alright. Catharsis over. Oh. Except for this one more thing. This needs lamenting.

I now have to pack a lunch for 5 days in a row. For the next 7 to 13 years. Life, as I've known it, is over.


But enough about me. Want to see the brave little Kindergarten boy?

Walking brother in. (Which we only get to do Days 1 & 2. Sniff, sniff.)

Crew showing us how it's done. (That is, until we walked in and he got overwhelmed and insisted that Daddy hold him the rest of the time.)

See? He was READY for this. Not gonna lie, my momma-heart was hoping for at least the tiniest smidge of emotion. He'll miss me even though he's not showing it.

Right?

I'd be remiss in my mom duties if I didn't document the backpack and lunchbox space.

(My makeup no longer looks like this.)

While I'm at it, let me show you Crew's first day (which was last Friday). Don't worry, Crew's future first day of Kindergarten will get the same blubbering mess. He is my baby, after all.
But preschool I can handle better. It's only 3 days a week. And only for a few hours. I still get lots of Crew Bean time. Still... I took a million pics. You're welcome.

Crew still has an aversion to looking at the camera.

See?

Best friend pic with Molly Jo. This is their last year at the same school. Say it ain't so! At least they have Sunday School together.

Never fear, I took Crew's backpack pic too.

Molly and Crew are not in the same class this year. But they found each other at recess.

I shall sign off now. I think I'm together enough to get through the grocery store.